Your Children Are Watching You... Work?

We know parents are models for language, play, and relationships, but what about work? A Toronto newspaper featured this article about the effect parents' work habits have on what their children choose to do and how they do it. We know how much flack the illusive BlackBerry gets for its intrusion in home and personal life. I'll admit it, I've learned how to email and drive at the same time.

Not that you want your kids to think you don't work. That in itself teaches kids the importance of hard work and the fruits of your labor. But kids also don't want their parents to work all the time--at least Hollywood tells us so. If there's one more Law and Order episode about a kid committing a crime because his overworked parents were too busy to pay attention to him, I'll go crazy. But there's some truth in that, for sure.

Thinking back to my own childhood, the simple fact that my parents made this equation work makes me wonder if it's possible or I was dreaming. My dad worked in Coporate America but even with a long commute was home by 7 every night. And while I don't remember him working weekends, maybe he did, just out of my eyesight. After all, in 1985, he couldn't bring his DOS computer to my ballet practices or softball games. My mom still works two jobs, but finds a way to pay attention to everyone in her life to the "nth" degree.

I think what made it different back then, was that if you had to work long hours, you had to be at the office. You weren't portable and you certainly couldn't manage a convo with your boss and a family picnic at the same time. What I wonder though, is are parents really immune to what their kids think about their work? The article contends: "The study proved that most parents are unaware of the messages they are sending their children about their work."

Remember the commercial a few years ago with the woman who gave up her client for a day at the beach with her kids? Her cute, young daughter uttered the words no parent wants to hear: "Mom, when am I gonna be your client?"

Even the Today Show did a"> "Can You Do WIthout Segment" featuring a grown man who cried, yes, cried, when they took away his BlackBerry. Those tears were because his six-year old had memorized his cell phone number and he worried she wouldn't be able to reach him when he traveled on business.

I think it's a question of parents not being immune, but forgetting to remind their kids that the BlackBerry means that they can come on the play date or to the Mommy and Me Class at the local MyGym. That said, parents also have to learn to walk away (meaning gadgets in another room or galaxy) so there's some direct-kid focus, even if for 30 minutes.

When was the last time you told your kid why you were texting away at the stop light? Or why they had to be quiet when Daddy was on an important call? They may not understand, but it will remind you to put a leash on some of your activities, or at least try to do them out of sight. Kids can't remember what they don't see.