Lip Service: The Making of a Leader

There's a great scene in Sex and the City when Samantha gets rebuffed for a job she thinks she's perfect for. After a strong retort, she runs for the elevator blinking back tears, generally pissed that she wasn't going to get the job, starting a debate among women everywhere about crying at work. And while crying at work is not typically a good idea, there are worse things a leader can do...and say.

These gems are revealed in a CNN article on the worst things to say at work. And rather than the obvious (telling your boss she's fat, or your co-worker she's dumb), these are things we often say but can't control. Sorta like the whole crying thing.

My favorite is "Don't tell anyone I said this, but ... " Have you ever walked to a colleague's office and shut the door behind you? Or bent down in the cube next to you to whisper quietly? If it's confidential business related to the task at hand, shutting the door is fine. But if it is preceeded by "Don't tell anyone..." or "I shouldn't say this but..." that's where you've got to count to ten.

Sometimes we can't draw the line between best friend and co-worker. We want to share something new so we run to someone we think we can trust. And usually that's the case. The problem is, those you're sharing with may not reveal your secrets, but may lack trust for you. So instead of trusting others, maybe we should focus on trusting ourselves to say the right thing (or say nothing at all.)

Leaders are often associated with control, for sure. But it isn't just controlling others, ideas and situations that make one a good leader. It's about controlling yourself. Just ask Samantha.